Boats
by Titania Took
Summary: While bored one summer's day, James decides that boating might be fun. The fact that neither he nor the rest of the Marauders can sail, or even swim, is just a minor flaw in their plans. Features lots of humour and guest-stars the Giant Squid!


Written as a prompt for the Hogwarts Online forum – an awesome place which you should most definitely check out (it's on the first page of the forums, so should be fairly easy to find).

Disclaimer: As you may already have guessed, Harry Potter is not mine. So don't sue me! Please!

* * *

**Boats**

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were lazing about by the shore of the lake in a manner much akin to sunbathing lizards, basking in the warmth of an unusually pleasant day. A soft breeze wafted past, blowing some of Sirius's shaggy black hair into his eyes, and prompting him to sit up and fail dismally to brush the offending hair out of his face. When he could finally see again, he noticed the expression on James's face.

"Oh no. He's got that look again," he warned the others.

"Oh god. Please don't let this be yet another plan to look up Lily Evans's skirt. That girl's hexes really sting." Remus was not in the mood for any cunning plans of James's. He had exams to study for, which no one else seemed to have remembered. The summer term did have its downsides.

The manic grin on James's face spread even wider. "Oh no. Nothing like that this time. It involves boats."

"Boats?" There was a startled cry of horror from all three others, who had managed to capsize on the way across the lake in their first year, while James sat smugly on top of the small boat.

"Yes. Boats. I've been thinking-"

"You think?" Sirius just could not resist that one.

"Yes, thank you very much. Anyway, I've been thinking. You know those boats the first-years use to go across the lake?"

Peter felt like saying something for once. "Unfortunately yes."

"Well, only using them once a year is a bit of a waste, don't you thing?"

"Not really," replied Sirius calmly. "I'd be quite happy never to see another one of those terrible things again in my life."

"Same here."

"And here."

"Awww… C'mon guys! It'll be fun!"

"No it won't."

"Well, I'm going anyway, so when I drown because it was just me, it'll all be on your heads."

"Oh, fine. I'll be there. But you're organising it all. Padfoot? Peter?"

"If you insist."

"Alright." Peter was still kinda in awe that he had friends who liked and respected him, even after five years, and didn't particularly like to disagree with them. Boats, on the other hand...

* * *

"All present and accounted for?" asked James, ridiculously over-enthusisastic about the day's activities. It was 10am the following morning, far to early to be up and about in the opinions of the other three.

"Yes," groaned Sirius.

A slightly more reluctant 'yes' came from Remus who was a little exasperated at his classmate's childish antics, and a soft squeaky one from Peter followed.

"Yay! Time to go!" All grudgingly followed, and found themselves once more by the shore of the lake, this time staring in fear at the contraption before them.

Sirius was the first of the Gryffindors brave enough to ask the question plaguing all of their minds. "What, exactly, is it?"

James shot him a look of mock horror. "It's a boat. Obviously." The 'boat' had clearly started off as one of the boats used by the first-years, but there had been several additions, not all of which they trusted. There was a mast made out of one of the posters off someone's four poster bed ("Whose was that?" inquired Remus angrily. "Oh, don't worry, just Snape's." "I'm not even going to ask how you managed that."), with a broomstick which they fortunately recognised as James's attached at right angles two feet up. Between these two was a sail, or at least supposedly a sail. It looked distinctly more like James's bed-sheets.

"Ummm… right." Remus, ever the practical one, was slightly concerned over a few minor details. "Does anyone here actually know how to sail?"

"Nah. Where's the fun in that?"

Sirius was now also concerned. "Prongs. You mean to tell us that you do not actually know how to sail."

"Ummm… yes?" Sirius was the only one who James really felt accountable to.

Peter Petigrew, meanwhile, had concerns of his own. "Umm… guys? If I fall in, can you save me, 'cause I can't really swim, and I don't really want to drown."

"I would, if I could swim. Unfortunately, I can't, but I'll do my best. Don't worry, I won't let you drown."

"So, James, none of us can sail, and none of us can swim either. Remus, judging by the way you've moved several metres away from the water since we got here, I'm assuming you can't either. This sounds like a really great idea." Sirius was not convinced.

"Come on, guys, we're Gryffindors!"

"Bravery does not necessarily equal stupidity." Those words of wisdom came from Moony.

"Please?"

And although Sirius was the only person who could stand up to James Potter, even he usually melted under those puppy-dog eyes that had gotten them all out of so many detentions, and were probably the reason they were not all expelled already. And once Sirius had given in, they were all doomed, and so they somehow found themselves on a boat in the middle of the lake, with no idea how to sail, or even swim.

Somehow they were going forwards, but the question as to how to steer remained unanswered. Something about a rudder and a tiller, but they couldn't find either of those, and ended up resorting to dangling Sirius over the side of the boat and having him paddle when they wanted to turn.

The boats were rather small, only designed to fit a few first-years, so James ended up sitting on top of the mast, as the others all had a permanent fear of heights after an incident in their third year involving the Astronomy tower and some string that was not quite long enough, or strong enough. Peter was huddling in the centre of the boat trying to pretend he was still on dry land, and Remus was hanging out of the opposite side, desperately trying to balance Sirius's weight. James's attempts to rock the boat were not helping.

* * *

The Giant Squid had always been fascinated by boats. Once a year, for as long as she could remember, those floating things had floated past. The fun came when she poked them. They would flip over and several squealing-fish would fall out, and squeal so loudly, flapping about. When she tried to teach one how to swim properly, however, the giant-squealy-fish would zap her with its pink pointy thing. Since then, she tended to just push them back into their boats. It was much quieter that way.

But now, there was a lone boat, at completely the wrong time of year, and it was already squealing, and rocking considerably. Before she could be confused for too long, it tipped over, and deposited four squealy-fish who immediately began to sink. 'At last,' she thought, 'some squealy-fish who actually know how to swim!' It was when they stopped squealing that she began to worry. She poked the smallest one, which was now closest to her. It tried to swim away, but only succeeded in useless flapping.

So… maybe these squealy-fish didn't know how to swim. They also appeared to be blowing bubbles, and impressive feat that she had never seen a fish manage before, only underwater geysers, and platypuses, which didn't really count as they were like the frogs and the newts, and kept going above the water. Maybe that was where they wanted to go. She pushed the small squealy-fish towards the surface, like the giant-squealy-fish made her do, and it seemed much happier, although it did then promptly sink again.

With some great effort, she eventually managed to flip the boat back over, a feat made harder by the fact that the most annoying of the squealy-fish was clinging onto it, but one she succeeded in nonetheless. She then deposited the small squealy-fish into the boat, followed by the strange-smelling one, and then the one which appeared to have changed shape and was quite happily paddling about on the surface. Finally, she put the annoying one back in, and pushed them off along their way, hoping that no more boats came out that day. Summer was a time for sleeping.

* * *

By aid of James's broomstick miraculously going jet-powered on them the moment the boat was upright, the Marauders managed to make it back to shore, at which point they sprinted about ten metres away from the lake, and collapsed in a shaking heap. The weather, thankfully, was similar to the previous day, if a little cooler, so they didn't go hypothermic, but cold and wet the most certainly were.

"I am never going anywhere near one of those things again," proclaimed Peter, in between bouts of shivering. "We're just lucky the giant squid saved us."

"I agree," said James, admitting that one of his ideas hadn't exactly been a great plan for the first and quite probably the last time in his life.

"Does this mean we don't have to go in any more boats?" Remus sounded hopeful.

"A most definite 'Yes'," James proudly announced, and there was a great cheer.

And they all lived happily ever after, at least, that is, until the next weekend, when James thought up another ingenious plan, this time involving some very volatile ingredients from the potions cupboard, which, as could be expected, landed them in the hospital wing, much to the annoyance of the school nurse, who was getting quite bored if treating her four most common and troublesome patients.

The End.

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Reviews are love! Please send me them! It makes me happy!


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